i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
