Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
