Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
