you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
