belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
