The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
