he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
