she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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