I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
