This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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