Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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