I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
