I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
