It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
