You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize