Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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