Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize