when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
