Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
