I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
