I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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