I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
