i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
