At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
