You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
