do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
