i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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