I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
