miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Panties = found
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