take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
