OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i now understand why vodka
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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