This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
