the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
