He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You pole danced in your parka.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
