I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize