If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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