dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
