i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
