matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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