If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it fun? or sober?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
