haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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