My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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