What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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