i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
