It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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