dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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