He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You dont lie about slip and slides
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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