It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
