I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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