wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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