Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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