I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
