just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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