Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
