Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
