remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
