i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
