How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
