I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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