MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
