I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
