just come out here and I will go home with you...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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