One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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