I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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