I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
