dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Boobs are out for the taking
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
