During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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