i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
