and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
