Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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