You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
