Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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