I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
