he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
