I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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